Sunday, May 27, 2007

Confessions

I need to get something off my chest. It's something that has been bugging me for way too long.

It has to do with the scale. And weight.

Why is it that something so simple as a number can cause so much grief? Why do we (myself included) beat ourselves up from the inside out if that number is not what experts consider to be "ideal"?

I don't know the answer, but I know that I have always been scared to admit just how much I weigh. No matter what that dreaded number was, large or small(er). It is so stupid, really. But thinking back now on where that number was little more than a year ago, I will now own up to where I've been in hopes I will never go back.

April 11, 2006 was the day my son Matthew was born. The week before I went to the hospital for my pre-op appointment (he was a scheduled c-section) and the nurse had me step on the scale. I told her I didn't want to know the number (the story of my life, really), but I happened to see it anyway. It was in big red digital numbers, like a neon arrow pointing to my fat. More than 220 pounds. *GASP!!!* How did that happen? I had been so sick the first trimester, and was even hospitalized because of severe vomiting and dehydration. I had lost about 10 pounds the first few months. But at the time I wasn't worried, since I was about ready to drop a calf and all.

This is what I looked like the morning of his delivery. I was very, very large under that hospital gown.



Here's another doozy, taken two days (I think??) after delivery.



And a couple "in progress" shots.

Me in February:



And, once again, my glorious (LOL) running pic from earlier this month. I need to get my computer set up to load more pics, and that is the reason I keep posting the same one. But it gives you the idea of where I am now.



Back to the story now. Cut to my first post-op visit at the OB. The dreaded scale came into play again. Two hundred six pounds. Wait, I thought I was supposed to be dropping weight like crazy now, since the kid was out and I was breastfeeding. Yeah, not so much. But I figured I wouldn't worry about it and counted on the breastfeeding to help me lose weight.

I guess I am not the kind of gal who can drop weight just by lactating. Come November, the scale still read 204 pounds. That was it; I was done. Well, that along with my reading about buddy Lisa losing weight by running was all I needed to get my behind in gear again.

And now I am so glad that I did. It was scary at first, since I tend to put enormous pressure on myself to be "perfect," and falling short scares me. But the other night that scale read 183.5 pounds, and I started looking at myself in a different way. Only 20 pounds above my rowing days, when I was in kick-ass shape. My weight is still not "ideal" according to the charts, but it's much closer and definitely within reach. I am feeling like a winner.

Today's stats:

Bike:
Time: 35:05
Distance: 10.01 miles
Pace: 3:30 minute/mile

10 comments:

J~Mom said...

You can't even count the pregnancy days silly!! That is all just part of having the bouncing baby boy! :>)

But fast forward to today and you look fantastic!!!!! You have worked so hard and it totally shows! I love that picture of you!!

MaryGinder said...

Your progress has been stellar! I weigh a lot - but a lot less than I used to. When I weighed 205 lbs. my doctor told me I had less fat on me than some patients who weighed 130 or so. But still, I am glad I weigh less than that now.

Marcy said...

Ohhhh girl you know this Momma loves to pack on the pounds during pregnancy so I hear ya! The scale is so evil. Seriously, don't take too much stock in it. You could have an athlete of 250lbs of pure muscle or a couch tater at 250 lbs of pure fat, and the stupid thing doesn't know the difference. As long as you feel good, that's all that should matter ;D Easier said then done, right? LOL You've thinned out A LOT!!! You're doing great Momma!!

Sarah said...

Now Matthews has a Mommy who can run to keep up with him! That is more important to him then whether or not she weighs the "perfect" weight. You look beautiful, and to you son I'm sure you are just that! Cheers.

Laurel said...

That's so awesome girl! Congratulations. You have lost a lot since you have been running. You look great. Of course, I think you looked great the day you gave birth too :)

Randy said...

Michelle you have come a long way..and are seeing success I would hope every time you look in the mirror...you look great.
I would ask you and Lisa...how have you managed to lose weight while running? Since I've started running in January I've more or less maintained my weight, falling between 211 and 219. I started out on August 5, 2007 at 246, so I've lost around 35 pounds, but it mostly all came off before the end of 2007.
It can be frustrating, and I know I need and want to lose another 30-35 pounds, but it ain't happening.
We do Weight Watchers, and I'm not journalling as faithfully as I should, ok, some weeks I don't journal at all....an admitted weakness...and I'm not all that careful with portion control any more....I'm going to stop here and go write this out on my blog...maybe...just maybe it will help to do that, let the world know of my struggle as well...thanks for opening up about this.

Jason The Running Man said...

Great job Michelle...you look amazing! Great transformation.

Chad in the Arizona Desert said...

Absolutely fantastic! You are doing great. The most important part is to have fun with it. If you do that, the "exercise" part will take care of itself and you will be in stellar shape before you know it.

Enjoy the journey...

Michelle said...

That is some amazing progress!!!! Congrats!!!

Lesley said...

It must be encouraging to see the progress pictures and to know you're getting in better shape, too! Keep up the good work!

Lesley in NC, who stumbled across your blog