Thursday, July 24, 2008

Down on myself

I have modified the beginning of this post because I am just feeling really down on myself tonight and need an outlet to channel the negative energy.

Since being in summer school, I have gained back some of the weight I lost before my HM. I know I tend to get stressed at times and eat to calm myself. I know that is a horrible habit, but that is me. I also bite my nails (speaking of bad habits), but whatever.

In turn, I end up beating myself up emotionally. Then, after I am black and blue inside, I decide to be "better" about it and turn things around for a while. Of course, something else triggers me down the line, and the cycle starts all over again. I have been this way forever. I don't think that it helped that I was quite overweight in junior high school and that people said nasty things to my face about it then.

Anyway, I was just in the shower scolding myself silently about my tummy rolls (which I have had for so long) and my chubby knees (another long-term issue) when I realized I really need to stop being so hard on myself.

I am not a perfect wife.
I am not a perfect mother.
I am not a perfect sister.
I am not a perfect daughter.
I am not a perfect student.
I am not a perfect runner.
I don't have a perfect body.
(And I probably never will)
I don't keep a perfect house.
I don't cook a perfect meal.
I don't balance a perfect checkbook.
I am not perfect in any shape or form.
I am me, and nothing else.
I am trying to be the best me I can be.
I am my biggest critic and nitpick myself to death.
Why can't I find it in myself to be my biggest cheerleader instead?

In other happenings, I am renewing my driver's license tomorrow morning at the DMV, and I am not looking forward to it. But it expires on my birthday in 11 days, and I really need one with a new picture. The picture on my old one was taken in 2003 and I look a lot different now.

At least I will only have one child to drag along, as Kara will be spending a few days with her grandparents. She is so excited! It will give me the chance to spend some quality time with Matty, as he always seems to be overshadowed by his more vocal, bossy older sister.

I worked out tonight. My neck is a little out of whack because I slept on it wrong last night, so I didn't do anything overly strenuous.

Today's stats:
Time: 30 minutes


Sonia said...

I have the same bad circle happening here too (bad eating -feeling crummy -more bad eating).

I'm an emotional eater and it is very hard to stop that. I think we often do not realise how hard we are on ourselves, we would never talk to a friend the way we are talking to ourselves and so mean to our 'body'...

Running Jen said...

I hear ya, I go through the exact same thing, a lot lately actually. I recently got down to the weight I really wanted to be, but now I can feel like I have gained a few back. I'm really tired of that happening.

The fact that you're trying to get a positive attitude about it though is great!! Hang in there.

Megan Hall said...

I have those feelings too (in fact, am having them right now). I like what sonia said about talking to ourselves the way we would talk to a friend who said the things we're thinking.

And, on that note - this is a little cheesy but it's been going around my office lately:
"You are exactly who you are meant to be: you."

Running To Stand Still said...

We are our own worst critics. Try to think of the good stuff chica cause we all see plenty of it!!!

Have fun with Matty. I have been enjoying Kaleighs camp days with Ian so much.

Mendy said...

I tell ya, I could have written that post. I go through the same cycles and totally understand! Hang in there. Know you are not alone and hope it gets better for you.